hurt

i hope it's just me and nobody feel this in such an extreme way. saying goodbye to a friend(s) breaks my heart. it is one of the most intense painfull experiences i have ever felt. i know that there are people who live with that kind of pain all the time. i couldn't do it. i'd eat the gun. it doesn't happen very often mainly because i don't have many close friends, but when it does happen, fuck it hurts bad. M(2) came and hugged me. i could feel him crying. i reassured hime that it wasn't too far away and that i would see him sooner than he knew. i hope that helped his pain a little. i went back to the bar and was staring down at my empty vodka drink (don't worry i had another one next to me) trying with all my might to hold back my pain. the H comes up and nonchalantly says "aaww M(2) was crying. all i could do or say was to look up at him and say "yeah i know". then i reached for my other drink and looked away and did what i could to hold it in. and it still hurts. fuck. i guess i wouldn't be so angry if i didn't feel pain and sorrow. fuck.